somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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