We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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