Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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