chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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