I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Randomize
