Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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