Already got asked if we're dating
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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