She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
