Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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