At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
