Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
