Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
