I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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