Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
