The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
