you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
