If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
