God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
