Im at strip club and am horny
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
