Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just found a bag of teeth...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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