My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
