I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
