just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
