My nipple is on Facebook.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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