I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
