a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Randomize
