I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
