well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
