Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
