**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
