She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
