I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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