Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
