Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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