i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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