just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
