I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Who died my cat blue again?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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