I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
