Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
