If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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