I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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