Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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