32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
