it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
