I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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