Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
