morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Two words: blizzard sex
You're breaking my sexual little heart
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
