Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Randomize
