Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
