I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
