dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
