Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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