I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
