My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
