I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
