My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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