I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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