btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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