he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
