He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
